Fox’s new big-boned bachelor show More to Love happened to be on TV tonight while I was doing some work.  And I happened to not change the channel.   Which explains why – after a full hour of  big love – I sat in a state of perplexment, a new word I just created for this very situation.  You see, my involuntary post-show analysis includes observations that I may or may not share because they may or may not cross some line that may or may not exist.  What to make of a show with this self-proclaimed premise:

Luke Conley is a 26-year-old former college football offensive lineman who stands 6’3″ and weighs over 300 pounds. He’s a successful sub-contractor and real estate investor who has his sights set on building a long-lasting relationship. Luke’s ideal woman is intelligent, passionate, down-to-earth, full-figured and comfortable in her own skin.

This eligible guy will have the chance to find the woman of his dreams when 20 voluptuous ladies vie for his heart.

I needed a baseline, some way to gauge whether my reaction was within limits.  So I turned to the natural stream of conscience: Twitter.

These twitter messages pretty much sum up my reaction at any given moment during tonight’s episode.   I did, however, have a couple of additional points along with some puntastic song titles bouncing around in my head.  Suffer along with me for a moment, please.

Big Girls Don’t Cry.  Except when they do.  A lot.
As you might have picked up above, these girls aren’t just crying a river.  It’s practically a monsoon.   They all say they want someone to love them for who they are inside.  Ironically, they’ll get their wish.  When size doesn’t matter, it all comes down to what’s inside.  Luke’s definitely got a variety pack here.

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Hunka Hunka Burning Love.  Or Luke-warm Love.
He’s dorky, our Luke.  He favors expressions like Bring it on! and, uh, steak.  That’s what I learned about him.   I half-expected…okay, half-wished Luke would break into a rousing chorus of  “Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round.”   That didn’t happen, but he did manage to have a LOT of the women admit on camera that he was perfect and they were already falling in love with him after meeting him twice in large group settings.

Pay close attention to the video below.  Not hard to miss the Big Guy, but as a special bonus you might notice host Emme is wearing flip flops.  Flip flops!  Perez Hilton, you can have that one for free.

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Some girls are bigger than others.  This one is not.
I only remember one woman’s name, Christian.  She had a really nice smile.   I seem to have created nicknames for the others as I watched:  the Catty One, the Punk Rocker, the Aggressive One, the Blonde One…you get the idea.  This video features Luke and the Blonde One, who seems to be on the less big side.  Size aside, watch their interaction and tell me if you don’t think “ick.”

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Love Shrinks.  And stinks.
Twenty women, one man.   Same basic premise as The Bachelor, but somehow very different.  Emotions are raw and right at the surface on day one.  The women are extremely honest, clearly putting a lifetime of hopes on this opportunity, this 26 year old guy.   I can hear Oprah now, telling them they must first love themselves.  Every rejection will be that much more painful — and there will be 19 of them. Nineteen women desperate for love will not find it with Luke.

I hope they’ll be cushioned when they fall.