de.tech.ting

For the first time in a very long time, I miss Howard Stern.

I used to listen to Howard and the gang on WXRK in New York,  way back when commuters carried Sony Walkmen and still read newspapers.   In 2006 Howard moved to Sirius satellite radio, and I moved on.  I’ve thought about Howard over the years, but mostly with nostalgia and fond memories.  Until today, when my Tweetdeck informed me of the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant.   I felt a pang, a sudden craving for the Howard I used to know and love.  So I did the next logical thing:  I googled.  And, lo and behold, Howard spoke to me from the inner workings of the internets as the story popped up reported by Jewish Business Magazine.  What?!?  I mean, who even knew jewbiz.com existed let alone would be a source of Howard Stern’s Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant news and information?  So, I googled some more and found the press release from JBM’s “successful launch.”

Andrew Cohn, decided to launch the Jewish Business Magazine to fill the need to connect the worldwide Jewish business community for Jewish business discourse and debate, Jewish business news, Jewish business networking events, Jewish business advice and tips and profiles of Jewish business leaders, executives, professionals and Jewish-owned Businesses.

That’s 7 Jewishes in a single sentence.   Certainly a publication ripe for Howard-worthy mockery.  Give them the benefit of the doubt, I thought.   Perhaps their Howard Stern coverage falls under the category of  Jewish business news or, um, Jewish discourse and debate.

What have we learned from the Howard Stern’s interview with the girls of the Tiger Woods Beauty Pageant?

Howard Stern is the greatest interviewer of all time, and the King of All Media.

On March 10, Howard hosted the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant with Jaime Jungers, Loredana Jolie and Jaime Grubbs.

The winner received $75,000 courtesy of Ashley Madison, which is a dating site for people in a relationship and want to have an affair.

via Howard Stern’s Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant | Jewish Business Magazine

Not a very auspicious beginning, jewbiz.com.   I chased down googled the story one last time.  I had to know: what did we really (allegedly) learn from the Tiger Woods Beauty Pageant?

Reader/blogger Todd Dery from Waiting for Next Year chipped in with these highlights:

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

– Tiger didn’t use condoms with Jungers for 18 months. Jolie said he did and she was sleeping with him for two years. Tiger’s nickname for Jamie Jungers: “Jamie Juicers.” Think about it.

– Tiger flew Jamie Jungers COACH on Southwest to see him! Dude is a zillionaire.

– Tiger asked her about a three-some, but she said, ‘if your wife is involved’ and Tiger never brought it up again.

– Jungers was with Tiger in bed the night that his father passed away. She said he went to the hospital earlier in the day to visit his dad, and then later that night, he and Jungers had sex. She claims Tiger call the call about his

dad’s passing around 2 am.

– Jolie said Tiger was “very into role playing” he would put a suit on, then go into a room with “several” naked chicks and he’d order these chicks to do stuff in front of them.

– Jolie said she “dated” Michael Jordan and Bruce Willis and that Tiger’s penis was larger than Jordan’s.

– Jaimie Grubbs was up third. First thing right off the bat – she banged Tiger two days after the birth of his kid!

– Grubbs did not Tiger was married when they met, and he was not wearing a ring. It took him three days to kiss her. “A lot of 8th grade flirting, he was definitely shy.”

– Grubbs said Tiger called her “skinny fat” because she ate like a “fat person” but was skinny.

– Grubbs thought that he would leave Elin for her. After she found out he was married, she didn’t see him for a year and he continued to text her and begged to see her. Meanwhile she was 21 when all of this was going down.

via Jamie Jungers Wins Howard Stern’s “Tiger Woods Beauty Pageant” — The Big Lead

In the dramatic final moments of the pageant, Jamie Jungers was crowned the winner.   A dubious title, certainly, but also a reminder of why Howard Stern still reigns.  This def goes into the greatest hits album.